Mental Sabotage?

[Bull_Fighter]

Last year I arrowed my first bull on opening morning... A nice 6x7 that I was able to spot and stalk for a perfect double-lung shot. This was a solo, OTC, DIY backcountry hunt in Idaho. No motorized vehicles allowed. Getting the elk out of that canyon alone was the toughest thing I've ever done. Something I'll never forget. I remember saying to myself "I'll never do this again alone!"

It only took until November to erase the negative thoughts. Next thing I knew I was training hard, running, hiking, lifting. Doing everything I could to be in the best shape possible. Could I be considering doing the same thing again next Fall? Hell yes!

This August arrived and I felt like I'm in the best shape I've been in for a long time. Ready to hammer hard and hit the mountains for another go at a great bull elk. I made the long journey into my hunting area and right away the elevation started to hit me, I'm already out of breathe and flashbacks from last year's pack-out were flooding my brain. What was I thinking? The thing that drew me back to the same spot was the abundance of wildlife. The landscape is as vertical as it gets and getting around is no joke, but this is why there are so many elk and so few hunters. The place is absolutely magical!

I hunted hard the first few days of the season but it was too hot and the elk weren't talking. I packed my stuff and went home, planning to come back as the rut progressed. 2 weeks later, I headed into the same spot. I spotted 26 elk, 2 moose, a few deer, 20-something antelope. The forest was alive! My big chance came just this Saturday morning. I was cow calling atop my favorite ridge when a loud bull elk chuckle came from directly below me in the bottom, timbered area. I sprung into action and headed right after him, forgetting my pack and bugle tube where I was sitting. I just had my bow and mouth diaphragm call. I closed the distance to within 100-150 yards. The bull would chuckle back to my cow calls every 20 minutes or so. Foolishly, I held back my position, trying to entice him to come to me, rather than me go to him. I played this game for over an hour and he suddenly stopped chuckling back to me. I then backed out and it was time for me to head home again, empty-handed.

Every part of me knows that I BLEW IT! His chuckling was pretty much an open invitation to run up on him and make a shot. All I can think of is that I knew how hard it would be to get him out of there and mentally I gave up before I even started. Right now I would still be up there busting my ass to pack him out, alone. Could it be that the trauma of doing this last year caused me to sabotage my entire year's worth of effort and planning?

Has anyone else struggled with their mental game this season? Please, share your stories. I need get my mind straight again! The good thing is, the season isn't even half-way through, so I can still go after 'em again. Man am I kicking myself!

 

[backcountry_hunter]

The mental struggle is something I would guess virtually everyone on here has dealt with from time to time, and probably every year. My internal battle is a little different than yours however... I don't sturggle with the amount of work it takes to get one out. When I'm hunting I'm constantly trying to make my situational awareness at it's peak in every conceivable situation and if I don't feel I can ethically get the most of that animal out before the meat spoils I won't attempt to go in there. I'm not afraid to work, but I am afraid to have meat go to waste or get a wanton waste ticket from a warden. I know one spot that year in and out, I absolutely know there will be elk in this canyon.... it's sides are vertical and I've scoured every map and every potential access route trying to find a way in, that I could carry one out... but I simply cannot find a way down there so I don't go. I'm 99.9% certain I could fill a tag, year in and year out down there.... but I can't guarantee that elk would make it back to my truck before it wasn't any good.

My issue is, because I often solo hunt, extended trips in the backcountry vs. the inherent risks that go with it that I subject myself to & having a family depending on me back home is a constant good vs evil mental war for me. The truth is I can find a million excuses not to goon a solo elk or deer hunt. Costs, time away from work, time away from wife/kids, selfish motives, etc... Often when I get out there I find myself pondering what my family would be doing at that given moment, or what I could be getting done around the house or at work. I live in bear/wolf country and have even less fear of cats so it's not so much the "apex predator" fear but more of a "what if" concern that sets in and can build like a cancer. For instance what if I broke my leg, or something happened and I couldn't get myself out, or ..... fill in the blank. I have complete support from my spouse but she also doesn't likely have a clue how dangerous some of this stuff is. I cross my T's and dot my I's, I let her and others know where i"m going, and when I intend to check in, and so on and so forth. I'm a 12 year EMT, and my career is outdoor focused so I feel well versed in the woods/backcountry but bad things happen to smart people everyday and I know I'm not beyond it because of my upbringing and career.

At the end of the day I still go, have a great time and sometimes shoot animals. Once I get out there I realize my fears are bizarre and find myself saying "how could I have considered not coming here?".  A famous bowhunter has a powerfully truthful quote taped on his bow and hung up at his gym. I'm not a huge advocate for a lot of what he's doing but he does have some positive attributes breaking into the bowhunting world. Like him or hate him, this one hits home for me. I'm not a "catchy phrase" person and don't often take notice of clever little sayings but this one rings true on so many levels.....

FEAR IS A LIAR

remember that and there's not much you can't do in the elk woods, or in life....

 

[Bull_Fighter]

Thanks for your insight! What you've said is a huge part of what I go through as well, being a solo hunter. With a young family at home it's easy for all the "what ifs" to fill your head. In the end I am grateful for the opportunity to get myself into the elk woods and have the ability to get in close with such amazing creatures. Doesn't really matter if I get something every time. I've had a blast already this year and can't wait to get out there again within the next week or so. Good luck this season!

 

[coolhandl]

I went through nearly the same experience last night. I read a quote on some other site recently that said "Why would you choose failure when success is an option". I must have told myself that 100 times yesterday as according to my GPS I put just over 20 miles on my boots. I missed my opportunity at a bull by seconds because I didn't go in when I should have and wanted him to get closer to me. Learning from that mistake, minutes later I moved in closer and I drew back on a cow, but then passed on the shot because I wasn't confident.


At every step I took during this 5 hour adventure of chasing these elk, I asked myself are you choosing failure? are you choosing to not go after these elk because its the right call and you might spook them or are you choosing that because its easier.


This would be my first archery kill and my first elk had I been successful. I am now more motivated than ever to get in better shape, had I been in just slightly better shape and made better choices I would have an elk on the ground. My advice, for whatever its worth, ask yourself that simple question, am I choosing failure.


As to the comment backcountry_hunter made, I also agree. I have a spot thats 5 miles in hike only, then 1500 feet down once you get there (steep and thick). I know there are bulls down there, I have a calling fest with them every now and again. They wont come up and I can't go down, it wouldn't be ethical, I don't believe I can get an elk out of there before it would go to waste.

 

[MT_mulies]

I too have a battle like this. If I'm with a hunting buddy it isn't so bad. But when I'm solo hunting then that is when my head starts playing games. This year I hunted with my brother for 3 days and then he left and I still have time to hunt so I stayed. I was there another two days playing the "whats going on at home? What if I shoot a big bull here and have to get it out myself? Maybe I can come back when they are bugling more. What if I break my leg? ect." Then I decided to put in one more day and then go home and maybe come back later. Well I ended up killing a 6 point 1.5 miles from my truck. The pack out sucked, but I learned a valuable lesson. You can't kill an elk if you are at home, and the whole time you are at home your thinking about hunting. I won't shoot an elk more that1.5-2 miles away from where my truck is parked. With one person its tough to get all the meat out before it goes bad. If I had someone to help then I would be more willing to go past 2 miles. Also I decided that this Christmas I'm getting a satellite phone to ease any fears of being stranded or getting hurt when I'm solo hunting. And I think I'm going to look into finding someone in the closest town about 45 min to 1.5 hours away that will rent out a horse or some llamas to help with the pack out. That way I don't have the fear of not being able to get all the meat or having it be to far away from the truck. But renting livestock will all depend on price. I don't by any means have extra $$$ for renting livestock, just figured it would be a good idea if someone is willing to do it.

 

[backcountry_hunter]

Also I decided that this Christmas I'm getting a satellite phone to ease any fears of being stranded or getting hurt when I'm solo hunting. And I think I'm going to look into finding someone in the closest town about 45 min to 1.5 hours away that will rent out a horse or some llamas to help with the pack out.

Look into a spot device as a cheap SOS alternative. I want a sat phone but don't want the annual plan. I'm also considering the thurya iphone sleeve that turns your smart phone into a sat phone. Cabelas has SPOT's on sale now for very cheap, you still need a subscription but not nearly as bad as a sat phone.


We've done the horsepacker bit. All I can say is there's good and bad using one. The pros are obviously you get the animal packed out without having to carry it allowing you to hunt further and harder. Cons are you're at their mercy and having one lined up is a false sense of security. Remember most packers make a bulk of their money outfitting or even fully guiding. Simply using them on demand makes you the low man on the totem pole on their list of priorities. The last elk I had a packer come get, by the time he showed up I could have packed out myself.... I don't want to discourage this, if they don't have anything going on it's great but it's also unrealistic to think these professional horsemen/women will be waiting around for the phone to ring during your 7 day hunt. Some also require a non-refundable deposit which is actually better as the ones that do seem more willing to come get your animal much more promptly. I've also been offered at the trail head before to have the animal packed out for a small sum of cash by just another elk hunter on a horse. All things to consider....

 

[coolhandl]

I missed part of the point of this post the first time, so I thought I would add an additional reply.


I have been fighting this mental battle of family vs elk all season and last year as well. This season has been especially tough because my wife is pregnant 39 weeks today, what in the heck was I thinking 9 months ago and I have a controlled hunt tag which doesn't come along every day.


My wife has been overly worried, concerned she will go into labor while I am out there, concerned i will get hurt, and generally disappointed that I am choosing elk over my family every waking hour of September. The guilt factor has been so hard to deal with, I have found myself questioning whether I will hunt next year at all.


On my end, I generally find myself at home dreaming about elk and in the woods dreaming about my family. I just cant seem to get my head into where I am either way, except when I hear the elk or see them, then it all changes. I always feel guilty on the way home, no elk in hand and time viewed as stolen from my family.


I have been doing the majority of hunting solo and on occasion have gotten about 10 miles from the truck, now that wouldn't be a 10 mile pack out (there are other roads in) its just a long walk to the truck. Many of these trips I have gotten my head into the what if game, what if I fall, what if I have a heart attack, what if I get attacked by something, etc... I think I will get a spot GPS for next year, although expensive it might just give my family enough peace of mind that I am ok and give me some assurance that I wont die from some minor injury like a broken leg because I can't get to the road and I can't call for help.

 

[Bull_Fighter]

Glad to see I'm not the only one! Sounds like we all fight similar battles within our own minds. I think having a satellite phone would do wonders for the mental game when missing family and wondering about all of the "what ifs". I found a place here in Boise that rents out satellite phones for something like $50 for the week, plus a dollar or two per minute for actually using it. I think that sounds like a hell of a plan for next year. Just to be able to check-in or call a friend to help pack out an animal. The SOS beacons are also a good alternative in case you were injured.

All in all, I went out 3 different times this Sept. and had awesome interaction with bugling bulls and a couple of moose that happen to share the same living quarters as me while I'm up there. That's what it's all about anyway. Good luck everyone on this last week of Sept!