Ok, time for a round of campfire jokes

J

JohnFitzgerald

New member
Mar 31, 2014
1,108
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: \'Does this taste funny to you?\' Sorry, it\'s the only clean joke I know. :lol:
 
A three legged dog walks into a saloon...
Goes up to the bar and tells the bartender... \'Im looking for the man who shot my pa\'
:haha:
 
I was bar hopping Saturday nite. So I walked into this one bar and there were three rather plump ladies standing at the bar. I couldn\'t help but notice that they had Scottish accents.

So, I walked up to them and said, \"Are you three ladies from Scotland\"?

One of them replied,\" Scottish? Huh! We\'re Wales\"!

So I said, \"OK, are you three whales from Scotland\"?

That\'s the last thing I remembered!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
A six year old boy and his four year old brother walk into a pharmacy. He places a box of Tampons on the counter. The pharmacist looks over his glasses at him and asks, \"are these for you?\" \"Nope,\" he says,\"they\'re for my brother.\"

The pharmacist asks \"Well, do you know what they are for?\"

The boy says \"Nope, but the woman on TV says if you got\'em, you can ride bike and swim, and he can\'t do either of those.\"
 
hahahhaha..

ONLY clean joke i know.

a young polar bear is talking to his parents.
\"mom-dad, am i 100% polar bear?\"
\"of course you are son\"
\"i dont have any grizzly bear in me?\"
\"no son\"
\"no black bear either?\"
\"no son\"
none of my grand parents or great grandparents, were any other type of bear?
\"no son, now why are you asking this?\'
\"because dad, i\'m freaking FREEZING!\"
 
I saw a old and poor lady trip, fall, and knocked unconscious today. Well, I assume she was poor. She only had a $1.19 in her purse.
 
Fat lady lookin\' in a mirror says, \" I look old, fat and ugly.. I really need you to pay me a compliment...\" Husband says, \" Your eysight is darn near perfect...\"

I\'m pertnear sure he\'s like WW and not rememberin\' much....

One more....

My doctor ask if any members of my family suffered from insanity?? I replied, \"No, we all seem to enjoy it..\"

OK on last un for a while....

Ad on Walgreens Pharmacy reads \"We have all your back to school supplies\" just below that \"12 pack Miller $7.99 with coupon\"...
 
A lady goes to checkout at the grocery store and she has a head of lettuce, 2 onions, a box of cereal, and three bags of frozen veggies. As she is checking out, a drunk strolls up in line behind her and stammers \"you\'re single aren\'t you?\"

The lady tries to ignore him, but is trying to figure out how this guy knew this based off of what she was buying. Finally, she replies \"yes, I am, but how did you know that?\"

The drunk replies \"because you\'re ugly!\" :D
 
One more, as all of the \'a guy walks into a bar\' got me thinking...

A penguin walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender and asks \"have you seen my dad?\"

The bartender replies \"I don\'t know, what does he look like?\"
 
Ok here\'s another one.

My parents always taught me to never give up, no matter what. That\'s bad news for the police and the hostages. :lol:
 
Old man sitting on a park bench when this hippy type guy with a spike hair cut that was red orange and yellow sits down beside him.

As the old man stares at him, the hippy says,\" What\'s the matter old man, haven\'t you ever done anything exciting in your life\"?

To which the old man replied, \" Yep! I got drunk and had sex with a parrot once. So I was wondering if you might be one of my offspring\" !
 
A duck huntin\' buddy sent this to me and even though I don\'t figure I could remember it for the campfire here goes...

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress. One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, \"Kin ya swallar? \"The woman shook her head no.
Then he asked, \"Kin ya breathe?\" The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no.
The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.
His partner said, \"Ya know, I\'d heerd of that there \'Hind Lick Maneuver\' but I ain\'t niver seen nobody do it!\"
Click to expand...
 
\"Ol\' Arky\" said:
A duck huntin\' buddy sent this to me and even though I don\'t figure I could remember it for the campfire here goes...

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough.
After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress. One of the hillbillies looked at her and said, \"Kin ya swallar? \"The woman shook her head no.
Then he asked, \"Kin ya breathe?\" The woman began to turn blue and shook her head no.
The hillbilly walked over to the woman, lifted up her dress, yanked down her drawers, and quickly gave her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm, and the obstruction flew out of her mouth. As she began to breathe again, the Hillbilly walked slowly back to his table.
His partner said, \"Ya know, I\'d heerd of that there \'Hind Lick Maneuver\' but I ain\'t niver seen nobody do it!\"
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

:haha:
 
Cnelk and Swede finally get together for a Colorado wilderness elk hunt. As they stumble around through the hi-country they come to the conclusion that they have become hopelessly lost.

So Cnelk says, \" Swede, you are much older and far more experienced than me. So what do you think we should do\" ?

Swede replies, \" Well, about the only thing I can think of is to get down on our knees and pray for a solution\" .

So, that is exactly what they do. They are both praying their hearts out when a flock of wild geese flies by. As luck would have it, one of the geese needs to relieve itself and KERR-SPLAT, it hits Cnelk right smack dab on top of the head!!!!

While still praying, Cnelk looks up to the heaven and says, \" No $h!t Lord, We\'re really lost\" !!! :haha:
 
A string walks into a bar and the bartender tells him sorry, we don\'t serve strings here. So the string walks back outside and ties himself in a bunch of knots and goes back in. The bartender sees through his disguise and kicks him out again. This time the string fluffs himself up and goes back in. The bartender asks \"aren\'t you that string?\" and the string says no, I\'m a frayed knot!
 
Swede and cnelk are walking their dogs, Swede\'s a Rott and cnelk\'s a Chihuahua. They work up a thirst so they swing into a local pub. \"hey\" the bartender says, \"No pets allowed.\" Quickly thinking on his feet, Swede says \"These are seeing eye dogs.\"

The bartender says \"ok, can understand the Rott, but really, a Chihuahua?!?\"

cnelk says \"You mean to say, THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA?\"
 
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