For all you computer geek elk hunters

[bowhunter]

I feel left out, wheres the cop jokes :dk:

Highway Patrol

A man purchased a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. \"There\'s no way they can catch a Mercedes,\" he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. \"What am I doing?\" he thought and pulled over. The police cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. \"It\'s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it\'s Friday. I don\'t feel like more paperwork, I don\'t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven\'t heard before, you can go.\" The guy thinks about it for a second and says, \"Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!\" \"Have a nice weekend,\" said the officer.

 

[Deertick]

You know the definition of an alcoholic?

Someone who drinks more than his doctor..

Swede, it\'s your turn to make fun of yourself. Or pastors, or federales, or someone. It\'s really a way to bring us together!

 

[Swede]

The local pastor was taking a walk down the sidewalk one clear Saturday morning. On his way he went by a house where they were having a yard sale. He paused as he saw a lawn mower, then went onto the lawn, and spoke to the teen standing near. The teen was obviously part of the family holding the sale. How much for the mower he asked? The teen said $20.00 \"Well that sounds like a good price, but does it run\" asked the pastor. \"Ya, it will run\" said the kid, \"but you got ta cuss it\". \"I can\'t do that\" said the preacher.
Well the next Saturday the teen was out and walked by the parsonage and saw the pastor outside struggling to start the mower. He went up to the preacher and said, \"remember, I told you, you will need to cuss it.\" The pastor was about out of breath, but was able to say, I can\'t, I don\'t even remember how.\"
The teen replied, \"just keep pulling on that starter cord, and it all will come back to you.\"

I admit I over reacted to WW\'s joke. I don\'t care for it, but that is just me. My apology.

 

[cnelk]

Why are redneck homicides never solved?

?


?


?


Because the DNA is all the same and there are no dental records

 

[JohnFitzgerald]

This little boy hid in his parents bedroom closet as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend......having fun. Suddenly the boys father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, \"Boy it\'s dark in here.\" Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement. After a few more minutes the boy says \"Wanna buy my baseball glove?\" The man asks \"How much?\" In reply the boy says $50. The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he\'d like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well. The man reluctantly agrees.

After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset too continue she sends him on his way.

The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks \"Where did that come from?, to which her son replied \"Can\'t say.\" The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car.

The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said \"Boy it\'s dark in here, to which the priest replied, \"Don\'t start that again!\"

 

[cohunter14]

This little boy hid in his parents bedroom closet as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked.

As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend......having fun. Suddenly the boys father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in.

After several minutes the boy says to the man, \"Boy it\'s dark in here.\" Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement. After a few more minutes the boy says \"Wanna buy my baseball glove?\" The man asks \"How much?\" In reply the boy says $50. The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he\'d like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well. The man reluctantly agrees.

After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset too continue she sends him on his way.

The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks \"Where did that come from?, to which her son replied \"Can\'t say.\" The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car.

The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said \"Boy it\'s dark in here, to which the priest replied, \"Don\'t start that again!\"

:shock: :shock: :shock: :lol:

As a Catholic (sort-of) I\'d have to say that\'s kind of a step in the right direction! :lol:

 

[Ol' Arky]

Ok y\'all made me do it..... :wave: :wave:


Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world.
After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. \"Kenneth.\"
\"And what is your question, Kenneth?\"
\"I have three questions:
First - whatever happened in Benghazi ?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
And, Third -whatever happened to the missing 6 billion dollars while you were
Secretary of State?\"

Just then the bell rings for recess.

Hilary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume Hillary says, \"Okay where were we?
Oh, that\'s right, question time. Who has a question?\"

A different boy-little Johnny--puts his hand up;
Hilary points to him and asks him what his name is. \"Johnny.\"
\"And what is your question, Johnny?\"
\"I have five questions:
First - whatever happened in Benghazi ?
Second - why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?
Third- whatever happened to the missing 6 billion dollars while you were Secretary of
State?\"
Fourth - why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
And, Fifth - where\'s Kenneth?\"
??
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I wonder what happened to little Johnny?? :rtfm: :silent: