Hunting partner problems

M

MT_mulies

New member
Dec 28, 2012
424
Hey Guys,
I'm not sure what to do with my hunting partner.....my brother. When I first started archery hunting I lived in Montana and my childhood friend is who I hunted with. We both worked out, shot, scouted, planned together. Then I moved to Idaho and so the last 4 years I have hunted with my brother. He doesn't workout(not a real huge deal) he doesn't ever shoot his bow till about a week before season, he doesn't do any scouting or planning. It all falls on me. It is getting really old that I do all the work and he just shows up and hunts.
Every week for the last 2 weeks I text him a few times during the week and ask how his training and shooting is going. He just says he hasn't started and doesn't have time. I know he does have time cause he is on his phone 90% of the time. Plus usually you make time for things you want to do.
Anyway I'm sick of hounding him, but if I don't hunt with he is gonna get hurt and offended since I'm his only hunting buddy and he looks forward to the hunt every year. And making a brother mad isn't really worth an elk. Plus my wife likes that I have someone with me and I'm not hunting alone for 10 days.
I've tried to be blunt and I can tell he kinda gets upset, but I tried to go passive aggressive at first but he didn't get it.
What would you guys do?
 
I'd get a 3rd guy lined up.  Someone that is a good for how you like to hunt.  Once your brother sees that he is the odd man out, he'll either get on board or start looking for a partner that matches his style too. 

But I would also be perfectly honest about this up front.  You arent getting the enjoyment out of the hunt that you want, but still want to experience it with him.  If he isn't willing to make changes, then me him know you will be looking to add a third.  (It's not that much different than dating really.)  Hopefully you guys can have this dialogue.  Otherwise it could sour the relationship.  But even if you both end up with new partners, no reason that you can't share the same camp etc...

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I couldn't agree more with everyone's posts above. I hunt in a group of 3 and when one of us cant do something (train, shoot, scout) it fuels our fire to MAKE time next go around. Nobody likes being left out. Maybe adding someone to the mix just might be the ticket. Honesty about your feeling is key, being butt hurt can only last so long but the memories and hard work put into a season will last a lifetime.

 
Some really great advice given here! Absolutely spot on!

I can relate in a way.
Not the same situation,  but I look at this situation as an added stress. 

I enjoy bringing people on hunts, it's something that drives me. 
What I found was people wouldn't take it serious, get prepared, or care on the same level I was.  I'd be spending countless hours making sure I had everything planned for and available so these people would have a ball. Then they'd come out and leave with no appreciation for what I put together.

After two years of this I realized I was stressing way too much about it and I was taking away from my passion. I eat, sleep, and breath hunting 24/7, 365, and these guys were dragging it down.

Once I started cutting trimming the fat and focusing on myself first and then the people who cared, then life became good again.

Did I lose some "friends" because of that? Sure did.  How dare I not bring them to my honey holes, let them use my trailer, and plan everything ;)

What I'm getting at is, don't lose focus on what makes you happy and you can't always make everyone happy.

Best of luck to you!
 
Maybe what I will do every year is, instead of talking to him about hunting. I will just plan to do stuff and if he decides he wants to help or prepare then he can. I'm not going to remind him about stuff anymore. Like DTP suggests. I will plan for myself and if he decides to get involved great, if not Iwill find a new hunting buddy on the side.
 
Send him a bill for $2500, a 50% deposit for your guide service. I promised one guy that I'd leave his butt in Canada if he didn't shape up. We got tired of picking up his slack quick. I don't expect any more from a hunting partner than I'm willing to give myself and I plan on doing 10% more than he does. It's a viscous circle.
 
Some great thoughts here, but a couple more things I'll add: one thing I have done over the years when dealing with people not pulling their weight is just assigning things to them. Whether its in the preparation or around camp, I'll simply say "hey, do me a favor and do this or buy this or get this ready." That's an easy way to get some help.


It's one thing if he isn't preparing himself...in that scenario, I just won't hunt with him but that doesn't mean you can't share a camp. But there's no way you'll catch me calling in an elk for him if he hasn't even practiced his shooting. I'd simply wake up each morning and say I'm going here, I'll see you back here at lunch or dark or whatever it is.


Now,having said all of that, if he isn't preparing himself AND he isn't taking care of things around camp and doing his fair share, then there is no reason to keep that bottled up. It's only fair to share the duties and if he doesn't want to do that, then it's probably time to go your separate ways when it comes to hunting.

Just my two cents!
 
I hunt with three people who go into the same areas as I do and hunt the same way I do but at half the speed. They know up front that if we are hiking 4 miles into an area I will see them when they get there.

If an elk is bugling on top of a mountain and they don't feel up to going to the top they will see me when I get back to camp.

Adding someone more your brothers speed to your group may be a way to go so they can hunt together while you do your own thing.

I always drive my own vehicle so if everyone else has had enough no one is waiting on me or for me.
 
Ever consider telling him how you feel? Sit down, explain to him how much you love hunting, enjoy him, but what your thinking. After all hes family and should listen to you 
 
DTP said:
Some really great advice given here! Absolutely spot on!

I can relate in a way.
Not the same situation,  but I look at this situation as an added stress. 

I enjoy bringing people on hunts, it's something that drives me. 
What I found was people wouldn't take it serious, get prepared, or care on the same level I was.  I'd be spending countless hours making sure I had everything planned for and available so these people would have a ball. Then they'd come out and leave with no appreciation for what I put together.

After two years of this I realized I was stressing way too much about it and I was taking away from my passion. I eat, sleep, and breath hunting 24/7, 365, and these guys were dragging it down.

Once I started cutting trimming the fat and focusing on myself first and then the people who cared, then life became good again.

Did I lose some "friends" because of that? Sure did.  How dare I not bring them to my honey holes, let them use my trailer, and plan everything ;)

What I'm getting at is, don't lose focus on what makes you happy and you can't always make everyone happy.

Best of luck to you!
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DTP says it best. Similar situation for one of my hunting partners.  I've got the trailer most the essential gear and he has a string that needs replaced, hasn't shit his bow this year or let alone the ambition to have his gear in working condition. I love taking people out and setting them up on animals. BUT it's wearing on me and my own enjoyment the fact that he just shows up and takes advantage of my planning, prep, gear, trailer and getting him into some action. At this point I think he's taking it for granted and I'm moving on this year and prepared to tell him no. It won't sit well but as DTP said, I too, live and breathe hunting year round.  It's my life blood and I enjoy it.  I am always looking for an alternate who is like minded in Western Montana.  I've got one solid hunting partner who is like minded and driven. I'm always open for another if anyone finds themselves parnterless in Montana!!!

My advice though is we all work too hard for this each year to be set back by someone else's shortcomings. Find yourself a rock solid partner and the success will grow as well!
 
DTP said:
Some really great advice given here! Absolutely spot on!

I can relate in a way.
Not the same situation,  but I look at this situation as an added stress. 

I enjoy bringing people on hunts, it's something that drives me. 
What I found was people wouldn't take it serious, get prepared, or care on the same level I was.  I'd be spending countless hours making sure I had everything planned for and available so these people would have a ball. Then they'd come out and leave with no appreciation for what I put together.

After two years of this I realized I was stressing way too much about it and I was taking away from my passion. I eat, sleep, and breath hunting 24/7, 365, and these guys were dragging it down.

Once I started cutting trimming the fat and focusing on myself first and then the people who cared, then life became good again.

Did I lose some "friends" because of that? Sure did.  How dare I not bring them to my honey holes, let them use my trailer, and plan everything ;)

What I'm getting at is, don't lose focus on what makes you happy and you can't always make everyone happy.

Best of luck to you!
Click to expand...

Great advice! 19 Days!!!
 
I understand, we all have priorities, doesn't sound like putting a critter on the ground is one of your brothers. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Every relationship is different. I can't even get my brother out in the woods for a hike let alone shooting the bow, he just isn't into it, so consider yourself at least a little lucky your bro wants to hunt.

Where in Idaho and when are you hunting? I haven't killed an elk yet but absolutely can't stop thinking about it, and that thinking pretty much dictates my life. It's pretty much the only reason I run every morning. I shoot my bow as much as possible year round but at least once a week. I'm on Ultralight forums constantly looking to lower my pack weight. Scouting on google earth at work, shit, it's an obsession.

You tell me you get into elk consistently and I'd drive my ass over there and be your new hunting partner pretty damn quick.


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I have been in your shoes....
my question is, is his lack of getting into shape slowing you down on the hunt, is his lack of shooting leaving animals not recovered, is his lack of planning causing him to doubt your plan and how you hunt.
if it does, leave him, brother or no brother. if it doesn't, then try not to stress about it.
my old partner did that to me for three years..... I left him and found newer and better partners!!!
 
A good partner is as hard or maybe harder than finding a good spouse. I have gone through a few that didn't work out.  Finally found a good one and looking forward to many years of hunts to come.
 
I have some similar issues at times with some of my partners. The issue of shooting isn't really there, because for the most part we do 3d seasons together. I usually have at least one hunting buddy that will go with me on 3d shoots, but when none of them will, my son goes. He is my little 3d partner most of the time and this year he is finally old enough to hunt so that will be great. I find that the issue is always the scouting time that I end up doing a lot on my own. I have one hunting partner that lives in my neighborhood and he will try as much as possible, but I still have plenty of times I'm out there by myself.
I agree that lining up a 3rd or even 4th person helps out tremendously. It makes the others not want to be left out when they hear you're shooting, scouting, hiking, etc.
 
I have not had a 'reliable' hunting partner in several years.  Pretty discouraging actually. Can put a damper on one's hunting season.  But, I will not let such a thing stop me from my passion.  So, I hunt Solo. 


"It is better to be alone than in bad company"
George Washington
 
sltram said:
I have not had a 'reliable' hunting partner in several years.  Pretty discouraging actually. Can put a damper on one's hunting season.  But, I will not let such a thing stop me from my passion.  So, I hunt Solo. 


"It is better to be alone than in bad company"
George Washington
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Great quote....



 
I don't like family confrontations but you have to be clear about your expectations. I think someone had a good idea about bringing another guy along that is similar to your style and fitness. Your brother might think twice next time about getting serious if he feels the pressure from more than just you.
 
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