JohnFitzgerald
New member
- Mar 31, 2014
- 1,108
It\'s been a rough night, someone tell me a joke.
Rough Night - tell me a joke
- Thread starter JohnFitzgerald
- Start date
JohnFitzgerald
New member
- Mar 31, 2014
- 1,108
:haha:\"cnelk\" said:
Anyone else got a joke?
iccyman001
New member
- Apr 30, 2014
- 5,489
\"cnelk\" said:
hahahahaha
Here\'s a few----
Genghis Khan to his troops:
\"This time remember: rape and pillage first, then burn.\"
Saw this one on a bumper sticker++_++
\"I\'ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one\"
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, \"Why are you eating grass?\"
\"We don\'t have no money for food,\" the first man replied.
\"Then you must come with me to my house,\" insisted the lawyer.
\"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here,\" said the man.
\"Bring them along!\" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, \"I got a wife and six kids!\"
\"Bring them as well!\", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, \"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.\"
The lawyer replied, \"I\'m most happy to do it. You\'ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall.\"
A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender ask, \"What\'ll ya have?\" Seal says, \"anything but a Canadian Club.\"
Genghis Khan to his troops:
\"This time remember: rape and pillage first, then burn.\"
Saw this one on a bumper sticker++_++
\"I\'ll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one\"
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, \"Why are you eating grass?\"
\"We don\'t have no money for food,\" the first man replied.
\"Then you must come with me to my house,\" insisted the lawyer.
\"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here,\" said the man.
\"Bring them along!\" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, \"I got a wife and six kids!\"
\"Bring them as well!\", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, \"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.\"
The lawyer replied, \"I\'m most happy to do it. You\'ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall.\"
A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender ask, \"What\'ll ya have?\" Seal says, \"anything but a Canadian Club.\"
A bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt.
He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race!
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race!
He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning!
The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest\'s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn\'t even finish the race. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest
was. Confronting him, he demanded, ?Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I\'ve lost every cent of my savings!?
The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. ?You\'re not Catholic are you my son??
\"No, I\'m Jewish.\"
\"That\'s the problem\", said the Priest, \"you couldn\'t tell the difference between a blessing and last rites.\"
He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race!
Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.
The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race!
He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning!
The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest\'s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.
He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn\'t even finish the race. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest
was. Confronting him, he demanded, ?Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I\'ve lost every cent of my savings!?
The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. ?You\'re not Catholic are you my son??
\"No, I\'m Jewish.\"
\"That\'s the problem\", said the Priest, \"you couldn\'t tell the difference between a blessing and last rites.\"
